You might have noticed your brain’s main function isn’t your happiness like, at all.
Keeping you alive is a full time job for your brain and we appreciate that. Keeping your heart beating and fighting off Corona comes first. But a brain focused on surviving left to it’s own devices can leave you in what I call useless pain for minutes to years if you don’t know the skill of how to notice it’s lies.
Yeah your brain is a big fat liar and can’t be trusted. If you learn how to coach yourself you can catch these lies and not waste time feeling terrible for no reason.
Before I learned this skill I felt
Dependent on others for how I felt
Always letting myself down by not following through on my promises to myself
Full of drama
A victim -to my past- to my job
Hopeless in my dreams
All unnecessary emotions from a lying brain.
I want to stop all the brains from causing us useless misery by teaching the latest neuroscience and self-coaching skills that changed me.
Our mind can be our biggest challenge and obstacle, but learning how to coach yourself, will help you reach new heights of personal development and work performance.
Giving up booze was my first gift from the world of Life Coaching. It still amazes me that I truly, truly, prefer not to drink. The women on the first picture was on a trip to Charlotte where drinks were free while getting a mani/pedi. She could not have ever imagined turning such a great offer down. Free?!! The person on the bottom didn't know it at the time but wouldn't drink (hopefully) ever again after that very night. Nothing dramatic happened to make me drop booze. Nothing but being sick of feeling physically bad and hungover too many times. More than once I caught myself dreaming about what it would be like to never feel hungover again so I eventually took a 10 week class that changed my life.. Most memorable was discovering the unconscious reasons I drank correlated to beliefs big alcohol was trying to sell me. Yuck. Not drinking is the greatest gift I have ever given myself if only for the fact I never again have to wake up not feeling my best and missing who i'm going to become that day. Let me tell you all about it. If you want to stop drinking or cut down this covid holiday reach out. firstname.lastname@example.org. What better year to start than during this weirdo year.
THE Best Shape of our Life Belief Plan
Each and every time I am off track of my diet I’m not planning and each and every time I’m not planning it’s because I’m not taking the time to believe.
Sounds crazy but our beliefs create our lives and most of us unconsciously believe what we did yesterday rinse and repeat.
I believe on PURPOSE I will be in the best shape of my life by Christmas. This belief makes me feel excited! Since i'm feeling motivated I’m going to plan 24 hours in advance each and every bite that’s going to go in my mouth tomorrow.
Want to see the plan for October 20th----
I’m going to fast all day until dinner. (makes it easier when you don’t eat!)
Coffee and cream
Salad, Lots of Veggies (I make a big bowl every few days)
Full fat Caesar dressing
Plain Yogurt (I usually buy full fat)
One slice sprouted bread. Almond Butter.
When you plan what you are going to eat 24 hours in advance your higher brain is making the decision and it’s much easier to overcome your hormones, neurotransmitters, and thoughts that can sabotage weight loss.
Who wants to be on the belief??!!!
Best shape of their life by the Holiday is happening on purpose for me and YOU.
Starting in November I’m offering a weight loss challenge with weekly private coaching. You won’t recognize yourself by the time you set up that tree.
Direct Message me for a 15 minute chat to discuss. This is going to be so fun!!!!
Let’s do this!
I’ve been wondering for 40 some odd years how in the world I can feel cranky and negative at the most inappropriate times. Do you know what I mean?
I have been to Plum island beach on a beautiful day with my greatest friends and been in a bad mood for no reason at all. If you are ever visiting a beach called PLUM Island that is this beautiful and feel like a big bitch head you might wonder what’s wrong with you, too.
I was here. I was cranky.
So, It turns out that’s normal. Life is 50 percent negative and 50 percent positive emotions by design.
If you didn’t experience negative feelings you wouldn’t feel positive either. We are not meant to be happy all the time. (Isnt’ that just Bullshit?) Half of the time we can expect to feel negative emotions.
Knowing this changed everything for me. I didn’t have to spend anymore energy in the fight against it. I could just be with all my friends on the beach on a sunny day and be grumpy and no longer be mad at myself for it. I could be sad about Covid-19, about Trump, about my unfolded laundry, god knows what nothing at all and know it was normal and I didn’t have to change it. Most negative emotion is intolerable because we resist it. We feel guilty. I’m supposed to be happy all the time. My goodness I have clean drinking water and others don’t. Nope, you’re not supposed to be happy. Not 50 percent of the time. That one thought gave me so much freedom.
When you start moving towards yourself and towards the negative emotion and not judge yourself it’s no longer intolerable. Having negative emotion is part of being human. You no longer have to judging the experience of being you bitch head and all.
So, if I win a 100 million dollars on powerball or go back to Plum Island I’ll still be feeling negative emotions half the time. I think that’s good to know.
So next time you have a head ache, a soul ache, a not doing enough covid cleaning ache you can know you aren’t alone and nothings wrong with you.
You’re just a human and the positive half of emotions is on the way…..
Covid 19 in Cheryl’s Brain– A one act play
Setting- A board room
Cheryl’s Future self
Cheryl’s Present Self
The Life Coach
The Life Coach- “Hi everybody, thanks for joining today. I’m glad we can all meet in person. Since we are all in Cheryl’s head we can’t catch the virus from each other and therefore make other sick. No excuses, you don’t get to socially distance from each other, ever!”
Survival Brain- “We can’t meet without cookies.”
Cheryl’s Future self- “No cookies. I thought we talked about this Survival Brain. I don’t want to be unhealthy and addicted to sugar. This is nonnegotiable”
Cheryl’s present self: “Ok, what are we talking about today ? ”
Prefrontal Cortex: “I’m taking notes and ready for action”
The Life Coach- “ Ok, So, I noticed some sadness and tears while watching the news last night. I thought we should talk about it. I also know this social distancing is really hard. The little things you used to be able to do and the choices you were able to make aren’t an option at all right now. That must be overwhelming. I know you are afraid of being afraid, too. Let’s talk about it”
Cheryls Present Self: I’ll admit I am feeling sad and afraid. I’m afraid for my parents. I’m afraid for our world. I’m afraid I of feeling even more terrified as time goes on. 200,000 people might die over this pandemic. I’m so utterly sad, confused, and horrified.”
Survival Brain: “Everyone’s going to die. Everyone’s going to die. Stop this meeting! Go lay down on the couch and watch Netflix. Also, get some ice cream!”
Cheryl’s Future Self: “Listen, I know you don’t see it right now but I promise you we are all going to be fine. I am here and I know it’s true. Let me give you some advice please?”
Survival Brain: “Future self you are wrong. It’s not going to be fine. Everyone’s going to die. Hide and get some candy. Now. We need to feel better now is all that matters. You deserve some sugar and rest after all this”
The Life Coach: “Oh, Survival Brain, we know, we know. We thank you for wanting to protect us and allow you to feel like that. It’s ok. You are just doing your job. You have helped us survive for so long as a human race. You can be afraid and negative. We aren’t afraid of your tantrums. Speak all you want. We will note it down and feel it on purpose.”
Prefrontal Cortex: “Noted- “everyone’s going to die” thanks Survival Brain. Got it. “
Survival Brain: “Ahh. You heard me. I’m going for a nap now. Later!”
Cheryl’s Future Self: “I’m thrilled glad Survival Brain left. I’m so very healthy mentally and physically over here in your future. It’s thrilling. I’m actually in your future and I know for sure we all get through this. Present self, can you make sure you use this time to take care of me, too? I wearing size 8 jeans and love it! I have a thriving life coach business and am helping so many people. I’m having so much fun and feel so fulfilled. Most of all the world is back to normal and better than before. We also have health care for all! 😊.
Cheryl’s present self: “no shit, really? Did Bernie win?”
Cheryl’s future self: “No. I was just trying to make you feel better sorry bad joke. Regardless, I’m here and I know the life you created for me by thinking and feeling on purpose. Remember, you created me from showing up right now. Survival brain can be heard out but we don’t have to act according to it’s fear. Survival brain wants to freak you out so you stay safe and in the cave.”
The Life Coach: “Future self, you must be a life coach?!!! “
Cheryl’s present self: I’m so fucking sad. I can’t make the smallest choices. I have to stay home. I have to work from home. It’s lonely. It’s odd. The extreme halt of our days had no warning. Fear has coated the world outside our windows. Is this news I’m watching or the movie Contigion? Why is everything slower but the virus faster? There is terrific complexity in this odd pause. I guess I’m just emotional.
Cheryl’s Future self: “That’s understandable. You are feeling a lot of emotions. But, I’m telling you for sure all this will end and you and the planet will be better for it. I’m here, I know.
Survival Brain: “ Hey, I’m back!!!!!!!!!!! Cookies and Netflix and for God sakes don’t do yoga today”
The Life Coach: “Cheryl’s present self, You can feel uncomfortable and go towards the feeling. It’s part of being human and having a human brain. It’s ok. It’s normal. You are doing great. Taking extreme care of yourself right now will help will heal the planet. We will rise again and be better than we ever were…Soon. “
Cheryl’s Future self: Yeah, write this up and post it on Facebook. Feeling uncomfortable and taking massive action is what gets you to me. You might help some people in the process?
Survival brain: No!!! Do not feel uncomfortable. You might be judged. Laughed at and Humiliated! GO REST and maybe buy shoes online?
The Life Coach: Survival brain loves the false pleasure ! We hear you Survival brain!
Prefrontal Cortex: “But nothing can be done without my doing it! You’re out of luck Survival brain. But, yes we hear what you are saying and understand.”
Cheryl’s Present Self: “Thank you everyone. I appreciate this meeting and I feel so much better. It sounds weird but by taking time to meet with all these parts of my human brain makes me happier. Now, let’s make a post!”
The Life Coach: “Yes!”
The Future Self: “ I’m in for that!”
Prefrontal Cortex: “I know exactly what to write!”
Survival Brain: “ zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz”
Dorothy was an emotional child.
She was. She went on this big adventure after the Tornado struck to look for the Wizard when she could have just clicked her heels. We are all in Oz trying to get home to our Pre-Covid-19 world and we feel victimized. Through this feeling of being uncomfortable I’d like to tell you like Dorothy you have all the power.
You aren’t a victim of Covid-19. There I said it.
Emotional adulthood is a concept that everything you think, and feel is your responsibility. We didn’t ask for these terrible Covid circumstances but how we react, think and feel about it is completely up to us and that gives us all the power so click those ruby red slippers!
You are and always have been 100% responsible for my own emotions.
If everyone is responsible for their own feelings we are no longer responsible for making others happy either. Eating a salad and chicken instead of pizza can make others feel uncomfortable and I don’t have to take any of that in. How others feel when I eat a healthy meal isn’t my problem. It’s not my job to make anyone feel better and actually I can’t. Others feel the way they feel because of their thoughts and I can’t manage that anyway.
How others feel is not my responsibility.
When you believe what someone else does or doesn’t do cause your emotions you are constantly trying to control others and the outside world. It’s exhausting and doesn’t work. Delegating responsibility to someone else for how you feel makes you a dependent emotional child. Delegating responsibility to the outside world for how you feel is disempowering too. It’s always changing. Real freedom is when there can be a tornado or a pandemic and you know you can handle any emotion and can embrace being uncomfortable without the outside world having to change.
It sounds selfish and unreasonable. I get that. But, I have found when you meet your own needs and take full responsibility for how you feel you show up better for others. They can be who they are because you don’t have to control others to make you feel a certain way. You don’t have to change the outside world to feel better either. You get to choose.
The Twister didn’t cause Dorothy’s confusion and pain. Covid isn’t causing your pain either. Your thoughts and feelings about Covid are completely up to you. Knowing that you can think about it in a way that is useful is freedom. Knowing you can feel terrible and experience that vibration is freedom too. How can you think about Covid-19 in a way that serves you? We had the power all along.
I used to believe there was no way I could ever go to a bar and not drink and have fun. No way. Impossible. Now, I haven’t drank in over two years and would love to drink some seltzer and go to a bar with my friends. I am 100% certain I’d have a blast and have way more fun than I ever did drinking! I used to believe losing weight meant struggling hunger and my weak willpower. I lost 50 lbs in 6 months and was rarely hungry and I don’t use willpower at all.
Beliefs are repeated sentences in our head.
No one ever taught us to question them.
There was once a belief that the world was flat. Taking a ship around the world wasn’t possible. So no one tried to sail around the world until someone did. But, it was always possible. These circumstances weren’t until they were: Michael Phelps 6 gold medals, the 4-minute mile, internet. But they was always possible.
I could have stopped drinking much sooner and still had more fun than anyone. I could have been my natural weight sooner, too. It was possible because I’m living that now. What else is possible?
If you aren’t getting a result you want, you can be curious. You can question your beliefs that might be holding you back.
The 4 step process:
1)The lightbulb moment aka rainbows and unicorns: “Oh, I believed weight loss came down to being hungry and going to the gym. If I give up sugar and flour and eat healthy fats weight will come off without the cravings. No shit. I can’t wait to try this!”
2) The River of Misery: The excitement wears off and you might want to give up. Good. You are in between two beliefs. Most people give up here because you will fail. You will have drama. You will feel like quitting. The secret is to “act as if” you believe even when you don’t.
3) Starting to click: You are getting some payoff. Leaning more toward the actions of your new beliefs feels normal.
4) Autopilot: It’s just the way you are now. Sometimes you still get some weird thoughts like I did the other day. “PSSST: Hey, Cheryl. HEY! Yeah, you. Go get a donut.” But it doesn’t mean I do it or want to.
What will belief are you willing to question today? Let’s talk about it in person. Oh, just kidding. That was an old belief. Ugh.
If you’re beating yourself up with the worst-case scenario amid Covid-19 and quite possibly gaining 19 we need to talk.
I have some news. You are being Furloughed. I’ve taken some time to evaluate your work and I’ve noticed you’re no good at controlling the Universe. Your worse-case scenario thinking isn’t helping and has no upside. Your side gigs of confusion and worry also must go. Your results are abysmal.
The truth is the outside world is uncertain and always was been. If you think about it most of us assume, we will live until the end of the day and many tomorrows after that. The truth is we could die at any moment. FUN. Do you know 150,000 people die every day in the world on an average day? We don’t usually think about it and that’s a good thing. We usually don’t see a ticker counting down the global and national deaths on the tv. That’s a good thing too! But that doesn’t mean it isn’t true.
So take a deep breath and let out in a long sigh. Controlling the universe is exhausting isn’t it? (And you’re bad at it!).
I do have good news. You have a new job offer at this crazy point in time. Yeah, someone is hiring!? You’re so good at the worse-case scenario I know you’d be equally as good at the best case. It deserves equal time doesn’t it? What could be the best case for you? Could you lose weight during a crisis!?
I’m offering you the chance to control the only thing you could ever control any way and as a bonus you can do this from home! This new exciting career comes with inclusive lifetime access to the only thing you ever could control and the only thing that could ever make you happy!
So let’s dive in to this career you’ve been dying to try for as long as you can remember. Now is the time. The truth is you can allow this time to be hard and still take massive care of yourself. You can allow uncertainty and fear and show up. You can reboot your thinking and your diet.
Career Objectives for this week:
1) Journal! Covid 19 reboot offers an opportunity to ask yourself amazing questions. What does this situation make possible for me? How am I likely to show up? How do I want to show up at and use this time intentionally?
2) Decide! Choose to plan your meals 24 hours in advance. There is so much freedom in doing this. Not feeling like eating on plan shows how important it is. Planning in advance takes choice away and saves time in negotiation with your brain.
3) Learn how to be uncomfortable! Growth requires discomfort. The more you know it’s normal to be uncomfortable you can expect it and the more uncomfortable you are willing to feel the more success you are going to have. It’s just a harmless feeling. We spend our whole lives avoiding feelings. What if you are willing to experience any emotion? What could you achieve?
4) Be ok with failure. The only real failure is not to try.
This job pays a lot. Your life will thank you for it. I’m sorry to let you go from your “Universe Control" gig but you just weren't any good.